Friend: “Why is your mom mad? She’s screaming on the phone”
Me: “Oh no she isn’t mad. That’s just how us Italians speak” This is a common question I get whenever my mom is on the phone speaking to her mother or anyone in general. There are many struggles that come with having immigrant parents that people don’t usually think about. With these struggles, there will be ways to cope with these struggles. Even though I speak their language and know the culture inside and out, these struggles definitely make American living hard. If you have immigrant parents, learn the solutions I’ve learned to do. If you don’t, try to empathize with other immigrant parents’ children. Trust me you really should; it’s tough. 1. My parents speak so loudly and use hand gestures when they speak, which can make my friends shocked and feel awkward being around them since they think they’re angry. My mom isn’t angry; she just gets excited when she speaks. Resolution: Have an automated response by saying “They’re not mad, they’re Italian” whenever friends are around them when they are on the phone.
2. I'm always their translator/always have to repeat what others say for them.
Whether we are in the grocery store, just causally out doing errands, or if we are with my friends’ family, etc., I have to clarify things for them. It’s never a simple conversation back and forth. There’s always some explaining or reiteration I have to do for them. Resolution: Don’t answer and wait for your siblings to do it. If you don’t have siblings, sorry compá (an Italian word for buddy). 3. Having to speak slowly in English when speaking to my parents. My parents don’t know the English language well. So whenever we talk, my parents speak to me in Italian (sometimes in English) and I respond in English, but slowly so they can understand me. Resolution: Gradually speak faster and faster when talking about words and topics you know they know. 4. They never really helped me with homework. They didn’t understand the language, so I always had to do homework without any assistance; meanwhile, all of my friends’ parents helped them. Resolution: Go to extra help, work with friends on homework, ask siblings for help, etc.
5. Saying words wrong and not knowing how to say words in English was a regular thing to me since my parents wouldn’t speak proper English.
“Can you please pass me the....” I froze and couldn’t continue speaking to my friend. I forgot/never knew how to say the word “remote” in English. How embarrassing. Or when I was called to read out of the science textbook in class. The word “intestines” was shown on the page but I pronounced it as “in-tis-teens”. That’s how my mom would say it. My classmates laughed.... Resolution: Don’t speak ever :p or just say words you know you are confident in that you learned in school 6. I would get embarrassed if my parents speak to/in front of my friends. Lets go to the “bitch” tomorrow. “No dad, it’s pronounced, “beach.” Resolution: Laugh it off and hope and pray your friends didn’t hear. If they did, just make it into a joke and change the subject.
7. Never having any type of privacy.
If I tell my mom something, my aunts, grandma, and half of the family knows. Literally half the family. Resolution: Lock your doors if you can get away with it, never tell your family anything unless you don’t care the world knowing, or keep your mouth shut at family Italian gatherings
8. My mother and grandmother know EVERYTHING.
Even more than Internet. “They’re never wrong” They are stubborn. Resolution: Try to fight back, but you most likely won’t win. So, ignore them because you know you are right ;) 9. The annoy commands: “Turn the bread over!” and “Go stir the sauce for me” There is an Italian myth that you get bad luck if a loaf of bread is upside down. Getting yelled at by my parents to turn over the bread in front of friends certainly isn’t something I would want to hear. In addition, Italian sauce takes an hour to make on the stove. Imagine being in a middle of a movie and having your mom scream that to you? You had no choice but to get up, miss part of the movie to go stir the tomato sauce. Resolution: Pretend you didn’t hear, have headphones on you at all times and put them in your hear when the commands are said, or pretend you are asleep.
Although these are all terrible and extremely embarrassing struggles, I know that I am a part of a loving, but crazy family who will always be there for me. So whenever you are someone with immigrant parents or someone who doesn’t have them, please empathize with us! It’s a lot harder than it looks, and can be really frustrating. If you have any questions or want to share your funny stories about immigrant parents with me, contact me here! You might get featured on my page!
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AuthorBorn and raised in NJ by two immigrant Italian parents. If you see me move my hands while I speak, don't be surprised. It's an Italian thing. ArchivesCategories
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